Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
