I accidentally had phone sex last night
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
