I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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