Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
