The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
soo... how was my night?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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