Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
