mondays should just be called national damage control day
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
