1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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