The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
