Your face is a jimmy john
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
