i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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