i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
