Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
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He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize