Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
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Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
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It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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