he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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