we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
