your parents love me but you hate me
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Found your dick twin last night
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
