But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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