Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
