i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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