I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
