Will you blow on my dice?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
