And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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