I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
jump out the window naked night went bad
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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