My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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