you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
