Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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