So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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