So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
