I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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