She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
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