I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
