remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
