Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
