just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
