If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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