dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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