If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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