dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
