Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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