party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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