I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
