Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
