I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
