I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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