He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
