I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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