Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
