I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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