Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
