I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
