It's Friday. Sex?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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