I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
