He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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