I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
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She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
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I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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