So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
