I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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