You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
