the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
im six kinds of drunk right now
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize