It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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