I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
