I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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