My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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