Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
