based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
