oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
