went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So. Much. Porn.
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