You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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