dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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